Heartache
by TBorah89
Summary: This is a one shot about Mel's reaction to thinking Roman was dead and the aftermath.


A/N: This is a one shot about Mel's reaction to thinking Roman was dead.

* * *

Heartache

Melinda Halliwell never knew that something could hurt this bad. She felt a huge gaping hole in her heart as she laid on her bed and cried like her heart was breaking. Really her heart was broken and she didn't know that it would ever be healed again. The only thing that could heal her heart was seeing him but she knew that wasn't going to happen. So she cried not that it made her feel any better but it felt like it cleansed her soul.

Roman was gone it wasn't by his own choosing her was dead. _My boyfriend is dead. _She said the words in her head trying them on for size and it felt like her whole world had been shattered. Her world hadn't just been shattered it was falling down around her. Part of her unfairly blamed Wyatt he had swore to her that this generation wouldn't loose anyone else. And as it turned out that he lied they had lost Roman in addition to Oriana. The only person who knew how she felt was Henry and she was afraid to talk to him about it.

A part of her died inside when they told her that Roman was dead and she just didn't think that she could face that. But she knew she had to it just was not fair she had found happiness and magic had taken it from her. She had got less than twenty-four hours of true happiness before it had been ripped from her. And now in the morning she had to bury the only man she would ever really love. Sure there would be other guys that she loved but she just knew that Roman was her soul mate.

It was a hell of a thing when an eighteen-year-old girl had to bury her boyfriend. They had waited so long to be together and then everything had been taken from them in one fell swoop. She blamed herself for how long it had taken them to get together but she blamed magic for taking him from her. She wanted to renounce her powers tell the elders she was never practicing magic again unless they gave him back to her. But she couldn't do that not only because she couldn't stand the thought of losing innocents the way she had lost Roman but also because no one had known about them being together. So she would have to suck it up and face it.

Her whole body shook with sobs when she heard a knock on the door she wasn't in the mood to see anyone but she had to. "Come in." she called out trying to keep the traces of her crying out of her voice. She was surprised to see her cousin Henry he was supposed to be in bed resting.

"Hey Mel how you holding up?" Henry asked sitting on the edge of her bed he knew that she couldn't be doing too good after all she had lost her love he knew better than anyone what that felt like.

"You know me I'm holding up fine." She replied giving him a weak smile. She felt dead inside it pained her to even smile a little.

"Bullshit I know that you're hurting and I know why you're hurting so bad." Henry replied looking her in the eyes so there was no mistaking what he was talking about.

"Henry I don't know what you're talking about I'm fine really." Mel assured him when she felt anything about assured herself.

Henry shook his head at her "You're a horrible liar Mel. I know about you and Roman and before you ask me how I know just hear me out. Chris and I had been trying to get you guys together for two years. He was at Charmed that night he knows that you were kissing and he knows you went back to his apartment."

Mel sighed and shook her head "Damn it you boys don't know shit about personal space but thank you for that we needed it. I'm glad that we got to have that one night together before everything went to hell."

"Hey you would have done the same thing for me. Trust me I know what you're feeling right now." He assured her.

Mel just shook her head and let more tears fall. "Hank I don't even really what I'm feeling right now. I just can't explain it I feel so much pain."

"You feel dead inside like nothing can make you smile or make you happy ever again. But one day soon you'll smile and then you'll laugh and that's when you'll know that everything is going to be ok." Henry said speaking from personal experience.

"But how long will that take?" she asked a hint of desperation in her voice.

"I don't know it's hard to say I still not feel alive some days but it's not as bad as it was. I'll leave you alone now or I can sleep here it's up to you. I know that I wanted to be alone a lot." Henry said rising to go.

"No I've got a lot of being alone ahead of me I really want you to stay Bubba." Mel said meekly.

Hank crawled into bed and put his good arm around her "Say no more baby girl I'm right here for as long as you need me. Don't fight just cry it out everything will be better soon." He said trying to sooth her.

* * *

Mel couldn't recount much of what happened at the funeral if anyone would have asked her which thankfully they didn't. She had sat in one of the pews next to her cousins only letting a few tears fall down her face she was taking it in stride putting on a brave face for them. She couldn't bear to watch them lower his coffin into the ground it was too final for her. So she had looked away she wanted to remember him as he was not think about him being sent to his grave when she thought about him. She wouldn't let herself be robbed of the good times they had shared.

Mel was thankful when D.J. showed up with a demon for them to go after it was all she could do to stay sane with all the mourners in the house. They had no clue how bad she was really hurting and she had done a good job of keeping it hidden from them. But she didn't have to hide her feelings from D.J. she could cry openly in front of him. She found her comfort in his arms. She didn't tell him about her and Roman that was something she wanted to keep to herself.

She didn't know the mistake she was making when two days after the funeral she slept with D.J. she didn't do it for the sex it was because she needed to feel alive again. But sadly she didn't come close to getting what she had felt with Roman. She wondered if this is what it would be like for the rest of her life. She didn't think she could go on living like that it just was not fair that she had to try. And what she had done to D.J. wasn't fair but they had both needed it. They hadn't really gotten any closure to their relationship. It still felt as though she was cheating on Roman.

She had to stop thinking like that he wasn't coming back no matter what she did. She had to accept that and try to move on. Hell she could do it she was a Halliwell woman she could do anything she set her mind to. The whole time she had been with D.J. she imagined that it was Roman and that made her feel a little better but she had to stop doing that to herself. For some reason they weren't meant to be together she couldn't dwell on what might have been.

So she went on with her demon hunt of course it ended with her being locked in a dingy old basement and for the first time in days she had felt herself smiling. At first she felt guilty but she knew that Roman wouldn't want her to be like that so she gave in and laughed when her friends were impersonating their siblings it wasn't a crime. And neither was going out to P3 after she thought he would be ok with her laughing and having a good time when she could. She didn't feel alive inside yet but it would take a while for her to get there.

She knew that she had come alive inside again when she saw Roman come down the stairs of P3. She had to close her eyes and open them again to make sure she wasn't seeing things. When she was sure that he wasn't going to disappear on her she let herself smile so widely that it hurt her face but that didn't last long. She was mad at him for the hell he had put her through.

When he pulled her out of her chair and said "Hey Mellie how's it going?" she felt her heart flutter and the hole in her chest close up. But she also wanted to yell at him. How the hell did he think it was going? She had thought he was dead it had crushed her.

But instead she glared hatefully at him and slapped him across the face. She knew that Chris had thought she lost her mind by the way he asked "Mel what the hell do you do that for?" he knew why she had slapped him it had been his doings that got them together in the first place.

"That was between me and him he knows what that was for." She replied before she touched the spot where she had slapped him and then she kissed him tenderly on the lips. Kissing him made her feel alive and feel a passion that she thought had died with him. She didn't care that Wyatt was sitting right there she had missed him too much to care.

"In front of Wy Mel?" Roman asked her like she had lost her mind and maybe she had.

But she just kissed him again she really, really didn't care what her brother thought she was happy she had the man she wanted to be with back. She came to the realization that she might even be in love with him. " Ro you said you didn't care what my brothers thought and neither do I anymore. I missed you, you big jerk and I'm sorry I slapped you I was mad that you went and died on me. You know how I feel about you." that had been a good enough answer for him.

* * *

That night he had gone home to the manor with her he was supposed to be staying in one of her brothers' rooms but that never happened. They had spent the night making up for lost time. Having sex with him gave her the feeling that sex with D.J. was lacking. She never wanted to be without him or that feeling ever again.

"Mel you have no idea how much I missed you." Roman said kissing her as their bodies moved in perfect rhythm.

"You're right I don't but I missed you more." Mel said her lips seeking his out like she was lost without them and she had been.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that baby never again I promise." Roman assured her.

"Roman I just can't live without you I don't know what I would do if I ever really lost you this past week was bad enough." Mel said letting tears slide down her face.

Roman felt a lump form in his throat and he had tears running down his face too "Mel I'm sorry I know what my dad did to my mom and I never want to do that to anyone least of all you." his voice waivered and he wiped the tears from her eyes using his thumbs.

"Roman I think that I'm falling in love with you." Mel informed him.

"I think I might be falling for you too Halliwell." Roman gave her a little grin.

Mel wrapped her arms around his neck and he winced a little he was still really sore. "Did I hurt you?" she asked she wouldn't hurt him for anything in the world.

Roman shook his head "No baby my muscles are sore but you didn't hurt me put your arms around me again I need the body contact." He said wanting to be as close to her as possible.

"I'll hold on and never let go if it means that you'll never do anything to me like that again." Mel shot back she was still a little pissed at him.

"Babe if you hold on I won't ever let you go either." Roman assured her kissing her again.

"Then I'm not letting you go." Mel replied.

"Good I don't want you to." He said taking her hand in his.

After they had finished they laid there holding each other each knowing that without the other they would be nothing.


End file.
